Potty talk

So apparently one of my major roles as a nurse will be "guardian and protector of the bowels." Today we had our Elimination lecture where we learned the importance of keeping those bowels moving! I would never have imagined that I'd be spending so much time studying and thinking about poop, but here I am. When I was a kid, my brother and I thought my grandmother was a little strange at times because she was so focused on our bowel habits and would happily report to our mother that we'd both had our daily BM. Now I understand her a little better -- she was thinking like a nurse, which she was! So now I get to take over as the Daily-BM-Reporter for my family and annoy future generations to no end with my concern and frank talk about how often they are pooping. I bet you all can't wait!

I never realized how big of a problem constipation is in hospitals, but it makes sense, because people who've just come out of surgery have no movement in their intestines because of the anesthetic, which essentially shuts everything down. If constipation goes on long enough, it can lead to the lovely concept of impaction, and apparently it will be MY job to "digitally" remove it when nothing else works. My theory is that nurses monitor the bowels so closely because 1.) they obviously care about their patients' health and 2.) the last thing they want to do is dig impacted stool out of someone's behind with their finger!

We had a very interesting guest speaker today as well: one of Salem Hospital's ostomy nurses. I'm sure you've heard of the dreaded colostomy bag and what it entails, but if you really think about it, it's pretty fascinating. (Who's idea was that?) I knew that ostomies involved rerouting the intestines so that fecal matter drains into a bag outside the body, but I had never seen one and had no idea how it worked. Basically the doctor goes in surgically and cuts your bowel and pulls the end up through the skin and creates a little round hole, called a stoma. A stoma is pretty dang gross looking, like a little shiny red tumor with a hole in the middle of it, but once you get over the initial shock you can hopefully appreciate how cool it is. By re-directing the intestines and bypassing damaged or cancerous tissue, people can live normal, active lives! Yes, the thought of having fecal matter coming out of a hole on your stomach and into a bag is NOT very appealing, but the nurse assured us that she has patients from all walks of life who have adapted very well (including a high school student who plays football). I doubt that I will follow in her footsteps and become an ostomy nurse, but I will try to be very sensitive to patients who have ostomies and not cringe at the prospect of emptying their bags.

Here's a picture of a stoma from Web MD. I made sure not to use an actual photograph because they are pretty ugly and I don't want to completely horrify you. The typical ostomy bag has a hole in it that goes around the stoma and it sits flush against the skin, forming a tight seal. Pretty neat!

We've been taught that teaching is a big part of being a nurse, so I'm going to start now and advise you all to eat your fiber and drink plenty of fluids (2 to 3 liters) every day. That way you can preserve and protect those bowels and never personally experience having a stoma or ostomy bag!