Hindsight's 20/20

Tomorrow I start my final term of nursing school, and I'm having one of those days where I'm completely lacking in motivation. If I can summarize the one major thing I've learned throughout this process, it's how to deal with disappointment! When I embarked on this journey, I had the most rock-solid, well-thought-out plan, and there was no stopping me. In 2007 when I began taking my prerequisite courses, the economy will still giving the appearance of decent health and my husband's job was thriving. I got accepted into a bachelor's program but opted for the local community college program, wanting to avoid the almost $40,000 price tag of the larger school. Besides, everyone knew that Chemeketa's associate degree program was the best in the state! And once I got hired at the hospital, my employer would repay my student loans and provide the cash for me to continue my education and get that highly sought-after BSN.

Fast forward to the present, where all sorts of unexpected roadblocks have been thrown up and my wonderful plan has screeched to almost a standstill. First, the economy tanked and all those nurses that were supposed to retire decided not to. (Not that I blame them.) Hospitals instituted hiring freezes and for the first time in years, there isn't a huge demand for nurses. Second, Salem Hospital, where I intended to work, is in the process of achieving "Magnet status," which implies a higher standard of care; as part of this process, they are required to hire a specific percentage of bachelor's trained nurses. Given the crappy economy, they are pretty much ONLY hiring bachelor's nurses, which means that getting a job is going to be incredibly difficult for me. So with no job, there's no generous employer to repay my student loans, which means I get to repay them while NOT working. It's hard not to feel a little silly at this point, having worked so dang hard for an associate's degree that upon graduation, will actually work against me. Great plan! It's also hard not to imagine where I could have been career-wise had I not decided to quit and go back to school. And now I'm seeing job postings for technical writers and it is oh-so-tempting to just apply and pretend that this little adventure never happened.

So, looking back, would I have done things differently? My canned answer is "No! Of course not! Eventually having a RN license is going to be a huge benefit!" But my realistic answer is, "Yes, probably." Knowing what I know now about associate degree nursing falling out of favor, I probably wouldn't have attemped this at all. I have a friend who opted for the excelerated bachelor's route and is now working as a nurse, trying to repay $500-600 per month in student loans. If I wanted to sink myself with debt, I would have gone to medical school!! Anyway, the fact of the matter is, I can't go back in time and choose a different route and now have to deal with the decisions I've made. And right there... THAT is the best lesson ever! I can't change my circumstances, only my attitude, and that tends to vary on a weekly basis. But don't worry, I'm going to make it through this because I have no choice but to keep moving foward and be as flexible and optimistic as I can. I'm sure that somehow I will find a job and someday this will have all been worth it. Hopefully I'll look back at my feelings now and laugh, remembering how worried/disappointed/pathetic I felt. And thankfully, I have learned that I can make do on a lot less than I had ever thought possible, so even if I don't find a job for a few months (years?), we'll survive.